Why do the Gods Hate Me?
by JinchuurikiGirl
Summary: After the events of the Ouran host club, Bella finds herself in the box of Akatsuki kittens. How much will this backfire?
1. Chapter 1

"So," Kisame began, breaking the silence that had fallen over the Akatsuki. "Does anyone have any idea what the hell is going on?" His tail twitched in slight annoyance as he looked over the nine other members around him.

The universe decided to be funny, because a kitten appeared in a small black flash. She was heavily bleeding, and confused. When she took a good look around, she started freaking out.

"NO FUCKING WAY! WHY DO THE GODS DO THIS TO ME? IS IT BECAUSE I OFFENDED YOU DURING THE MEETING? WHY, FUCKING WHY! Stupid little…" She finally looked around and noticed the Akatsuki staring at her. "Hehe, my name's Isabella. Can you please ignore the earlier outburst? That happens nearly every time the gods send me somewhere new and I end up in awkward situations. I still remember Kaede and the arrow… *shiver*" She mumbled the last part but they still heard it.

Itachi shook his silky head before turning toward his large, blue companion. "We have, in some way or another, become felines."

"We're fucking cats!" Hidan hissed, pouncing closer than necessary to the impassive Uchiha. "Weare little animals with whiskers and tails and Jashin knows what else!" Bella smirked at that statement.

Sasori rolled his amber eyes. "Felines and cats are the same thing you moron. Now shut up, you're causing a scene."

"What scene, un?" Deidara questioned. "We're in a box, yeah." He was rewarded with an annoyed blank stare from his Danna, who raised a paw toward the smirking female who was sitting in a corner.

"A fucking huge ass box!" Hidan corrected. "There is no freaking way out of this thing." He walked over to one of the cardboard walls and pawed at it.

"All of you need to calm down. We'll figure out something, just relax." Pein said calmly, glancing at the black and red kitten who watched the spectacle.

"What are we going to do for food?" Kakuzu wondered, his strange eyes drifting over Hidan's silver head to gaze at their leader.

Pein turned his attention to Kakuzu. "We'll figure it out when the time comes."

"We can always push the box over!" Tobi meowed excitedly. He was currently swatting Deidara's tail around playfully.

"Quit it, un!" Deidara snapped, whacking Tobi's orange head with a blonde paw. "This is all your fault anyways, yeah! Why did you have to press that damn button, un?"

Tobi scampered away to hide behind Zetsu's black and white form. "Senpai is being mean!" His orange face poked out to face Deidara from behind Zetsu. "Tobi was just curious! He didn't know the button would turn them into kittens in a strange place!"

"If only I had my clay…" Deidara mumbled, glaring at Tobi with his blue eyes. Then he looked at the smirking girl. "What happened for you to arrive?" She shrugged.

"The host club was dancing at the fair when I slipped off and entered a portal. I didn't know which world I was headed for next, but this is my third." They gave her strange looks, but shrugged it off for the next topic.

"The more pressing matter is our location." Itachi said dully. "Where are we?"

Hidan growled. "We can't see out of the box to know, Uchiha!" Bella gave a nervous laugh before her blue eyes shifted into… they gaped at the white, pupilless shape of the byakugan.

"How?" She looked at all the clueless faces before sighing.

"I have a bloodline that lets me copy other kekkai genkai. Let's drop the subject." At that they went back to the matter of location.

Itachi rolled his blood-red eyes. "That is true Hidan, but I can't sense any chakra signatures and I've personally never heard the sounds surrounding us before." He paused as a loud honking droned in the distance. "That button could have sent us anywhere."

"It's safe to say we aren't anywhere familiar." Kakuzu agreed. "I don't sense any one another than us and the girl so I think we might be alone."

"From what I saw while we were being put into the box by that old man, we are in an entirely different world." Sasori stated. "But how we ended up as cats, I'm not entirely sure."

"What if someone else takes us in?" Zetsu wondered. Bella started to madly laugh inside her head before moving to lay down. Then she hissed at her injuries.

Kakuzu glanced at her before looking at Zetsu. "We'll have to gain their trust long enough to find a way home."

"Fuck that." Hidan snapped. "Why rely on someone we don't know?"

"I don't like it either Hidan, but it is necessary if we want to survive in our now vulnerable forms in this new world. We can't exactly fend for ourselves as kittens."

Konan frowned as something approaching them caught her attention. "Do you guys hear that?"

"Tobi hears scary loud noises." Tobi confessed.

Konan shook her blue head. "No, it sounds like footsteps. It's getting closer."

All of the Akatsuki focused, their ears turning towards the approaching sound until it was right beside them. They looked up in unison to see they no longer were alone.

**A.N. Hello everybody! I received permission from DaniZaraki to use her story Consider Yourselves Kitties. I suggest reading that first so there is no confusion. Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto,CYK, or any other anime mentioned. I only own Bella. **


	2. Chapter 2

** A.N. Hey peoplez. I don't own Naruto, CYK, or any other animes mentioned. I do own Bella.**

First Person!

I frowned as I made my way up the stairs to the front door of my condo when I saw a box sitting in front of it. I could have sworn Brett and Louis were home. Maybe they were just being the lazy jerks I knew they were and were waiting for me to bring it indoors.

I walked closer to the box and looked inside. I was greeted by eleven pairs of adorable kitten eyes. I sighed. "Cats." I cursed. "To be honest, I'm a dog person. You cats aren't exactly my cup of tea. Turn into puppies and you've got my full attention." I knelt closer to the cats.

A little silver one attempted to climb up the wall of the box to get to me. He was meowing angrily and was pawing up at me with furry determination. I laughed. "Good luck with that little kitty." I scratched behind its ear and straightened up. I made to leave but was assaulted with a chorus of meows.

I looked back in the box. "Look kitties, I like cats, but I don't want any." I pouted when they gave me the kitty eyes. "No, I must resist my caring instinct! Don't look into their eyes me! Don't do it!" My eyes widened when I noticed a large blue cat. "BLUE KITTY!" I reached into the box and fished out the cat.

"You're adorable." I cuddled the animal. He was twice as large as the other kittens with the exception of two of them. He was a light blue with golden eyes and gill-like markings on his face. I looked back into the box. "Awe there's another one." I returned the cat and noticed the others looking at him with something I could only classify as amusement. The cat himself seemed to be utterly annoyed and shocked at the same time.

"Oh fine!" I pouted. "Give me a minute. I need to let the guys know." I stroked the fur of the other blue kitten before digging around in my pocket for my key. I quickly unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Lulu, Brett, will you come to the front door and give me a hand?"

"Alice!" Brett squealed in a very unmanly voice. I rolled my eyes. He wasn't exactly manly anyways. I returned to the box of felines and began dragging it towards the door, causing the cats to meow in shock and hiss angrily. I heard Brett end his skipping when he reached the door.

"What's in the box?" I heard him ask as he hugged me from behind. His actions can be more associated to hugging my butt considering I was bent over.

"Dinner." I said sarcastically. "Help me bring it in." He nodded and slipped around me to grab the other end of the box. I waited for another squeal.

"Kitties!" He exclaimed, picking up a blond kitten and snuggling against it. "Awe they're so cute!" He kissed the face of the one he was holding. I saw the kitten's eyes narrow when the other kittens meowed something that sounded close to laughter.

"Okay Bee, put the kitten down so we can bring them inside. It's cold out here." I pointed out, aiming to save the poor cat from Brett's affection. He's the biggest cat person out there.

"What's with all the squealing?" A deeper, much manlier voice asked. "And why are you bent over like that. As much as I love checking you out Alice, I disapprove of doing it on the steps when it's so cold."

"Shut up Louis." I sighed. "I'm trying to bring in this box but Brett's having a fangirl moment." I jerked my chin towards Brett when he giggled.

"Over what, dare I ask?" He asked hugging me in the same fashion Brett did. He looked over my shoulder and his eyebrows rose. "You have a box full of pussy?"

I rolled my eyes at his antics and snatched the kitten from Brett. "Move you raging homo." I backed into Louis, earning myself a perverted gesture as I finished dragging the box into the condo.

I straightened out and turned to Brett and Louis who were both now crouched around the kittens in the box, petting them and cooing at them. "So what are we going to do with them? Surely we can't keep them all."

"Don't call me Surely." Louis retorted without looking at me as he snatched up a brown kitten with black stitch markings in various places on his body. "We can keep them. I don't have a problem with it. I love cats." He gestured at Brett who was petting the smaller blue kitten with concern in his eyes. "You know he's not going to get rid of them."

"Yeah, that's why I wasn't going to bring them in." I sighed. "But their cuteness got to me." I sat on the edge of our cushioned black couch and picked up a silky black one with red eyes. I stroked his fur absently as I watched Brett and Louis.

"Well, I want them." Brett stated. "Now that we have our own place, we can have as many cats as we want and mom can tell me what to do!" He grinned. "The poor things were dyed! This is not normal cat hair color!" He held up the tiny blue kitten. "Don't tell me you don't think she's adorable, Alice."

I rolled my eyes. "I think cats are cute Bee, I just prefer dogs." I shrugged. "If you want to keep them, so be it. We'll keep them." Brett cheered with happiness and danced with the distraught kitten in his arms.

Louis looked at Brett in confusion as he returned the smaller blue cat to the box and brought out another, crimson cat. "How do you know that's a girl?"

"Well, because she's freaking gorgeous!" Brett exclaimed. He looked into the box to beam at the tiny kitten. "Feline females and Alice are the only girls I'm attracted to." He placed the crimson cat in his lap and began running his fingers through his fur.

"Hey, let's take the cats into our bedroom, babe." Louis said, standing up with his brown cat. "That way we can get them out of the box and so they can't break anything."

Brett nodded and picked up two more kitties. I sighed and smiled at his retreating figure as he skipped upstairs to the bedroom he and Louis shared.

I picked up the blue kitten I had cuddled before after putting the little black kitten on my shoulder. I then lifted up a very calm orange one that had random black dots on his face, ears, and limbs. I noted that he had very peculiar eyes.

Louis trailed behind me, bringing the last five kittens along. Being the strongest of the three of us, he had no trouble. Not that the kittens weighed very much in the first place. He set his kittens down before closing the door behind us.

I saw Brett had dumped his kittens on the bed before rushing over to close the bathroom door. I set the two cats in my hands down before gently detaching the one on my shoulder from its spot. Then I took my seat on th eground against the wall with the black kitty in my arms.

"Hey love?" Louis wondered looking at me. I raised my eyebrow in question as I released my captive to allow him to wander around as I expected he wanted to. He didn't, he just sat beside me, watching us curiously. "Isn't Kathryn supposed to becoming over for the weekend?"

I dipped my head. "Yeah, we get together every weekend." I fished out my cell phone and dialed her number. I set it on speaker at Brett's pestering and waited for her to answer. The cats looked at my cell phone as if it was a bomb.

Third Person!

"The fuck is that?" Hidan demanded, walking closer to the little black contraption the girl had pulled out of her pocket. He got closer to it and jumped when a loud ringing sounded. The girl who set the black thing on the ground laughed at his reaction.

'_Cell phone. I need to get another one of those. Stupid youkai taking my bag._' Bella looked at the phone thoughtfully.

Kisame's golden orbs widened when someone called hello from the black thing.

"Hello sweetie!" The voice exclaimed happily, it was clearly female.

"Holy shit it talks!" Kisame gawked. Bella giggled from her spot on the floor.

"Hey, Kat." The girl named Alice said in response. "When are you getting here?"

"I'm actually walking to the door now. My mom just dropped me off. The creepy old guy a few doors down just whistled at me."

"HI KATHRYN!" The really tall, black haired boy called

"Hey there Bretty!" Kathryn replied.

"I swear that old man's a pedo." Alice laughed. "You've got the key or do you need me to let you in?" She asked, staring at the black thing.

"Who is she talking to, un?" Deidara wondered from beside Sasori.

"I think that black thing is a method the people here use to communicate."Pein guessed, seeing Bella nod. He looked around when the shorter, more muscular boy named Louis stood. He walked over to a window and peeked out. He cracked a questionable smile and then returned to his seat.

"I'm breaking in." Kathryn's voice announced from the phone. "Honey I'm home!" Her voice called through the house. "Where you bitches at?"

"Lu's room." Alice told her. The door quickly opened and a very skinny, beautiful blond walked inside. She closed the door again at Louis's command and hugged Alice after closing her own contraption and stuffing it in the front of her shirt.

Alice replaced her phone into her pocket just in time for Kathryn to notice the new addition to the condo. "OMG KITTIES!" She snatched up the closest one which happened to be the blond that was first attacked by Brett. "He's so precious!"

"Kathryn, don't frighten the animals." Alice sighed and watched her friend sit on the floor beside her. "I just found them in a box outside the condo."

"I bet you're thrilled." She stated sarcastically, giving Alice a smirk.

"Hn." That was Alice's only response.

"Hey, she used your word Itachi. Do you know this chick?"Hidan stated. "That makes two people in the entire world." Itachi merely shook his head in response, staring at the brunette sitting beside him.

"So what are you going to do with them?" Kathryn wondered.

"We decided to keep them, so now we just have to name them. I think I should get first dibs." Alice told her."What, now they're going to name us?"Kakuzu frowned. "We were already taken in by a kid more hyperactive than Tobi."

Sasori sighed. "It can only be expected, seeing as they think we're their pets now."

"You've got to be kidding me, un." Deidara groaned.

"We are not naming the cats after anime characters, Alice." Kathryn sighed.

Brett gasped. "Why not?" He bounced on the bed in agitation. "I already had perfect names for them! Doesn't he remind you of Zetsu from the Akatsuki?" He held up a kitten was half white and half black. The Akatsuki kittens all exchanged horrified looks while Bella shook her head, stalking under the bed to hide.

"Oh my Jashin he does." Alice agreed, ignoring the fact that Hidan gave a little kitten gasp at her words. "Oh god we have to name him that!"

"See! Alice understands!" Brett pointed out. He scurried over to Alice and they began loving over the black and white kitten that looked terrified.

Kathryn looked at Louis. "What's going on here?"

"Alice and Brett are both going through a Naruto phase right now. I can't complain since they shut up about Bleach now." Louis rolled his eyes. "But if I hear one more thing about how sexy Itachi Uchiha is I'm going to break something."

Itachi froze instantly, Bella going into hysterics under the bed.

"Well he is." Alice pointed out. "He's the best character. You know you drooled when you first saw him. I did then, and every time after that."

"Wait a second…" Kisame stated. "Zetsu, do you know these people? Did they just say the Akatsuki or am I insane? Itachi I thought you said you didn't know her?"

"I did. I have no idea who she is." Itachi appeared as if he was about to faint.

"Whoa there Uchiha, don't faint on us." Bella announced from her hiding place.

Zetsu shook his head when Brett released him."No. I don't associate myself with freaks. I've never met these people before, thankfully."

"No babe, we're naming them normal cat names. Get over your Akatsuki obsession for ten minutes." Louis sighed. "Alice almost ripped our heads off for naming our last cat Pussy."

"But he was!" Brett pouted. "I don't know why you didn't like it."

Alice frowned. "Because I had to be around you while you were chasing the cat around the neighborhood yelling 'I want my Pussy back!' It was more disturbing than I thought possible." Kathryn giggled, Bella copying.

"Well I think we should name the cats and if we run out of good names, we'll let Brett and Alice name them after the characters." Kathryn held up the blond kitten. "I say this one is first."

"I think he's a Deidara!" Brett whispered to Alice. Alice snickered and nodded in agreement, both of them oblivious to the shocked stares they were receiving from the cats.

"Blondie." Louis suggested. "You don't see very many blond cats out there."

Kathryn nodded. "That's true." She looked at Alice. "I'd name him after Deidara too since he's my favorite character, but I'm not obsessed like you two. I don't want to torture the poor thing."

"Trust me girl, it wouldn't be torture, un."Deidara pouted as he ignored the snickering and teasing from all the other cats as he walked away from Kathryn.

"I like your new name, Brat." Sasori chuckled. "Maybe I'll call you that from now on."

"Don't, un!" Deidara hissed, glaring at Sasori.

"Hey, no fighting." Louis scolded, pulling gently on Deidara's tail.

"Yeah Blondie-Senpai!" Tobi copied. He was rewarded with a kitty death glare from Deidara and a chorus of kitten laughter.

Louis picked up Hidan. "What about this little guy?" He looked up at Brett and Alice. "No references from the two of you please."

"Little guy?" Hidan exclaimed. "I'll sacrifice the little shit to Jashin-sama!"

"Calm down, Hidan." Kakuzu soothed. "Not much can be worse than Blondie."Deidara hissed angrily at him, causing Kakuzu to chuckle.

"Stop causing a scene. The girl is watching us." Pein barked, issuing instant silence and order from the members. He noticed Alice had been watching them curiously.

"How about we name him Shiny because of his silver fur?" Kathryn wondered.

"I stand corrected." Kakuzu snorted at the mention of the cat name. Deidara, Tobi, and Kisame erupted with kitten laughter at Kakuzu's comment. Hidan growled menacingly; for a kitten that is. Bella started laughing at his weak attempt.

"Oi, fuck you bitch!" Bella snarled and stalked out from her hiding spot, razor claws ready to shave off his fur.

"Here kitty kitty, let me give you a nice shave." Hidan whimpered.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Oi, bitch you hear me?" The claws got even sharper as she started towards him with a psychopathic smile. He began to sweat.

"Most people who insult me end up missing or in the hospital. Happy running!" She started racing towards him, disappearing halfway.

'_Did she just disappear?_' Alice thought with a frown.

'_Where... where did she go?_' Hidan looked all around, sweating when he couldn't find her.

**_Hiss_**

**_Swipe_**

"Yeeoowww!"

Bella reappeared next to Hidan before hissing and clawing him.

"Shiny it is." Louis chuckled, having put Hidan down when he started whimpering. He pointed at Itachi. "Alice get that one, it's his turn."

Alice picked up Itachi gently and placed him in her lap again. Brett grinned. "Let's name him Blackie." Itachi gave him an Uchiha death glare while Kisame held back a laugh. Bella didn't, resulting in a glaring match before pictures of his death by her claws started showing up in his head.

"We can't name him Blackie." Louis sighed. "The neighbors would think we were talking to them if we had to call for him."

"Louis!" Alice snapped, holding back a laugh. "That is not appropriate." She stroked Itachi's head. "How about we just name him Kuro? It means black in Japanese."

"Good idea." Brett said. He grabbed Sasori and showed him off. "What about this one?"

"I'll murder him in his sleep if he names me something ridiculous."Sasori smirked. "Though I think anything is better than Shiny."

"Don't jinx yourself, Danna." Deidara stated, grinning up at Sasori from his spot.

"Well, he's got red fur." Louis pointed out. "And he's got dark rings on his limbs and a weird spot where his heart should be." He crossed his arms and frowned in thought fora moment before giving up. "I've got nothing."

"I like the name Loofa." Kathryn concluded randomly.

"Why?" Alice asked holding back a laugh.

She pointed towards the bathroom. "There's a loofa sponge on the door." Sure enough there was a loofa sponge hanging from the bathroom door handle.

"Loofa it is then." Louis said with a confused expression. "Poor cat." He grabbed Kakuzu. "What about this dude?"

"What in Jashin's name is a fucking loofa?" Hidan demanded as Sasori escaped Brett's clutches. Sasori merely shrugged.

'It's a sponge you wash yourself with. Don't tell him yet.' Hidan burst out laughing at Bella's mental explanation.

"He looks like a George to me." Brett said, giving Kakuzu a very serious look down.

Alice sighed. "Where are all these weird names coming from? You and Kathryn should start a club, Bee." She stroked Itachi who was still in her lap. "By the way, I like Kakuzu for him." She smiled when Louis frowned at her.

"So now they know my name too?" Kakuzu demanded. "Who are these people?"

"I'm not sure, but maybe if we study them, we can get our answers." Pein announced. "It's obvious these people know about us. But how? How much do they know?" He frowned.

"Maybe we are somewhere near home." Konan suggested. "Or maybe it's just a coincidence."

"No Alice." Kathryn scolded. "Bad anime obsession!" She swatted Alice's head gently. "I think George is a fine name."

"I guess you're George now big guy." Louis stated patting Kakuzu's head.

"He totally has to be Ginger!" Brett shouted jabbing a finger in Pein's direction before grabbing him. Bella pulled out the hysterics again, kitten tears trailing from her eyes.

"THAT'S FUCKING PRICELESS!"

"Did you hear that?"

Alice frowned when all of the cats suddenly went stiff after Brett picked up the orange kitten. "You think he's the leader?" She raised her eyebrows. "All of the cats are acting really weird. They seemed to be fighting earlier and he hissed at them and they instantly stopped."

"Shut up dog-lover." Brett ordered. "You don't understand kitties." He snuggled against Pein who was struggling to keep an emotionless façade now that he was being loved.

"Maybe we should call him Pein, because he certainly looks like he's in it." Alice laughed. "Be easy with the cats Brett or they'll kill you."

"Smart girl." Zetsu's black half said.

"Sorry kitty." Brett apologized. "I call dibs on Ginger." Kathryn and Louis nodded their agreement and Pein was renamed as Ginger. He returned to his seat beside Konan, none too happy about his new name.

"Big blue kitty!" Alice said planting a gentle kiss on Kisame's head who was sitting between her and Kathryn.

"Bruce!" Kathryn exclaimed. "You know, like the shark from Finding Nemo." The hysterics continued.

"Oh these people are hilarious." Kisame growled, ignoring Hidan's snickers.

"It fits you nicely, Kisame."Itachi added from his spot on Alice's lap.

"You, just enjoy your spot on her lap and be quiet." Kisame snapped.

Itachi looked away from him."Hn."

Alice smirked. "Good call."

"Or Shark-bait." Brett laughed.

"He isn't a clown fish, he's a shark!" Alice frowned. "He's a very adorable shark."

"Kisame!" Brett sang in a whisper. Alice grinned and nodded.

"You are now Bruce." Kathryn announced, patting Kisame's head. She looked at Konan beside Pein. "Now her, then we'll have three more right?"

"Wow, you can count." Alice said sarcastically. "You're a genius."

"Shut up Alice. I don't appreciate your sarcasm." Kathryn pouted. She grabbed Konan gently and pet her. "She's really pretty."

"I think Cutie is a perfect name." Louis pointed out. "She's one of the two girl kittens and she's pretty." He scratched under her chin.

"Welcome to the crew, Cutie." Kathryn said sweetly when she replaced Konan beside Pein. "I'll put you back next to your boyfriend." Everyone missed Konan's slight kitten blush.

"I still think he should be Zetsu." Brett said poking Zetsu. "I mean, it's perfect. The only other name is Oreo and he's not even colored right for that."

"Fine, we can name one of them after your crazy obsession." Louis sighed.

"Whatever Lulu, you like it too." Alice frowned. "You're just not as into it as me and Brett are. You were totally just as obsessed with Bleach as I was when you were in your Soul Reaper phase." She crossed her arms. "It just so happens that I consider the characters from Bleach to be more dog compatable than Naruto characters, except Kakashi and Kiba."

"Which is one reason why she likes Bleach better." Brett pointed out. He smiled. "But Zetsu is him. Or we can name him Kevin. Either way, I win."

"I say Kevin." Kathryn pointed out. "People always use the name Kevin for ignorant shit." She grinned. "Poor Kevin."

"Alright big guy, you're Kevin." Louis stated. Zetsu, Kisame, and Kakuzu were the largest of the kittens. Sasori, Konan, and Deidara were the smallest.

"Damn, we were so almost had a normal name." Zetsu said as Louis confirmed his new name.

"It's better than Shiny." Hidan said with a shudder. The others laughed. "And now this guy!" Brett said picking up Tobi.

"I'm thinking Pumpkin."

"I like Pumpkin." Louis agreed.

"Tobi likes Pumpkin too!"Tobi cheered. He seemed utterly content when Brett stood up with him and danced about the room.

"What hell have we just gotten ourselves into?"Kisame asked in horror.

"Starts with _H_ and ends in _ell_. Speaking of which, I wonder how Shinigami-san is doing." They all stared at the underside of the bed.

"Last one!" Kathryn chirped. "Where is she?" Brett looked around the room. Said kitten crawled out from under the bed, dragging a piece of paper with writing on it.

Louis picked it up before raising an eyebrow at the kitten. "It says 'Isabella or Bella.' How the hell did she write that and know what it is?" They all looked at her. She shrugged before heading back under the bed.

"Bella it is."


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N. Hello readers. Christmas has been hectic so I just now got around to posting. Please Read & Review! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, CYK, or any other animes mentioned. I do own Isabella.**

Alice yawned and sat up in her bed. She looked over and saw Kathryn sleeping oddly like usual. Kathryn was capable of lying in six different directions and still sleep like a log. Alice rolled her eyes with a slight smile at her best friend before looking around the room.

She had taken all the kittens to sleep in her room with her and Kathryn all weekend because Brett and Louis like to spend the night doing explicit things together and she was certain the kittens didn't need to see that. She did a head count, noting the cats slept in the same spots.

Kuro was curled in a ball on her egg chair in the corner of the room; his black fur blending in with the black fabric. Bruce was sprawled out on the computer chair; she had to smile at that. Pumpkin was on Kathryn's pillow.

Ginger and Cutie were both sleeping on the edge of the bed on her side since Kathryn's head was taking up the other half. Blondie and Loofa were both sleeping on the blanket Kathryn threw off the bed last night in her attempt to get comfortable. Bella was nowhere in sight, so she assumed the kitten was still under the bed. Something she didn't notice was that her bedroom window was unlocked.

Shiny was lying on a pile of clothes while Kevin slept in an open dresser drawer. She looked down and noticed that George was lying on her lap. She smiled at him and gently maneuvered out from beneath him without waking him before slipping into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

After she did her thing she came out, refreshed and awake to see Kathryn now laying horizontally across the bed, much to George's terror. He was staring at her, as if searching for a vital to hit and kill her.

She smiled and stroked George's head. "Morning George." She noticed his eyes narrow when she said his new name. "Sorry kitty, I don't like your name either but I'll get scolded if I call you what I think you should be called."

_**"Somehow I think that may be for the best."**_ Kakuzu sighed. He hopped off the bed when she grabbed a pillow. She woke up Pein and Konan to put them on the blanket with Sasori and Deidara. She then picked up Tobi and did the same with him before dragging the blanket away from the bed.

They watched her return to the bed, curious to how she planned on waking Kathryn today. She went to Kathryn's side and lifted the pillow over her head before bringing it down in one powerful swing on Kathryn's stomach. Kathryn woke up with a start and attempted to tackle Alice who easily dodged and allowed Kathryn to plow into the wall.

"Damn it Alice." Kathryn pouted from her spot on the floor. "You're so mean." She jumped with a yelp when the door was kicked open and Louis rushed in with a cleaver in his hand, ready to attack.

"What happened?" He demanded, looking around the room viciously.

_**"Good God! He's got a knife!"**_ Hidan gasped, jumping to his feet on the pile of clothes.

"Louis, put the knife away, everything is okay Kathryn just ran into the wall." Alice laughed, her hands raised calmingly towards Louis.

"How did you get that so fast?" Kathryn demanded, gesturing at the cleaver.

"He keeps it under his pillow when he sleeps." Brett told her. "We have a gun under our bed too."

Kathryn stared at him for a moment. "Why?"

"It's Louis." Alice said simply with a shrug as if it was expected. "Now go wake up." She patted Kathryn's head. "I'm going to get the mail from yesterday and then I'll get something for breakfast. Do we still have the cat food Bee?" She asked as she searched for her shoes. "I've just been giving them leftover turkey, I didn't bother to look."

"Yes ma'am!" Brett chirped from outside Alice's room. Louis scratched the side of his head with the blade of the cleaver before shrugging and heading back to his room.

Kathryn dug around for her stuff before scampering to the bathroom to do her morning duties. Alice meanwhile had discovered her shoes and was then putting them on.

"Okay, do one of you kitties want to go with me?" She asked. "You can get some fresh air while we're out there."

_**"Itachi, go with her."**_ Pein ordered. _**"See if you can discern our location from what's around the house."**_

_** "It seems she has a bit of a crush on you anyways."**_ Sasori added with a smirk.

_**"Yes Leader-sama."**_Itachi obeyed, ignoring the puppet. He meowed at Alice and she looked at him.

"You want to go kitty?" She raised her eyebrow when he nodded. "Okay…" She shrugged after a second but picked him up and placed him on her shoulder. She walked out of her room, shutting the door behind her to keep the others in and headed for the sitting room.

Bella then appeared outside the window before opening it and swinging herself in. The thing that amazed the kittens was that she was in her human form and had cat ears. Then she transformed back into her kitten form, but had twenty tails instead of one.

_**"What the fuck?!"** _Hidan exclaimed loudly. Bella shushed him and nineteen of her tails disappeared.

Alice stalked back to her bedroom and pushed the door open, shooing the cats away from the door. She noticed Kathryn was not in there, so she assumed she was in the bathroom. Louis was currently on her computer with George sitting beside the screen watching him. What freaked her out was the black flames swirling around the black kitten they named Bella.

"What the heck is that!" Alice screeched as she pointed at the flames.

"Where did those come from?" Brett demanded, horrified, allowing Konan and Pein to go and inspect their meal that Alice dropped.

"I don't know, but it isn't burning her or anything else." Louis pointed out. The other two looked closer and saw that too.

_"__**What the fuck is this shit?"**_Hidan growled at the flames._**"I've never seen anything like this before."**_

_ "__**The flames are hot, but it's not unbearable."**_ Deidara added.

"The heck?" They looked over to see Kathryn come out of the bathroom and attempt to stick her hand in the flames as they died down. When she drew her hand out, there was nothing wrong with it.

Louis chuckled. "That was a very stupid idea, Kathryn."

"Shucks." She said hugging herself. "Thanks Lulu." She glomped Brett and lay on top of him on the floor. "This place is so much more fun than my house." She pouted.

"Stay here then." Alice told her. "I do." They seemingly forgot about the feat that happened minutes ago as Alice put the food in the bowls and laid them out before taking the large bowl and filled it with water.

"Well your parents don't care what you do, mine do." Kathryn pointed out, still attacking Brett. "Your parents let you live with a bisexual, registered psycho and a homosexual cutie-pie."

"I'm pretty sure cutie-pie isn't a real title." Alice deadpanned. She removed Itachi from her shoulder and set him down on the ground beside a vacant bowl.

_**"What did you find out, Itachi?"**_Pein asked.

Itachi shook his furry head. _**"I don't have the slightest clue where we're at. Nothing is remotely familiar and there are strange wheeled things rolling around everywhere. I don't think we're even close to being anywhere near home. I think we're in an entirely different world like Sasori said when we first arrived and Bella hinted."**_

_**"Damn."**_Pein said. He shook his head. _**"Well alright, I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Let's just be thankful we have food and a place to stay."**_

_** "Jashin-sama is not going to be happy about this. I think he'll understand, given the situation but damn…"**_Hidan muttered as he inhaled his food.

"I guess Shiny was starving." Kathryn assumed, watching Hidan devour his meal. "Speaking of which, I'm hungry. What did you make for breakfast?" She looked at Alice over her shoulder.

Alice had her arms wrapped around Louis's neck and her chin on the top of his head as he scanned the internet from her computer. She looked back at Kathryn. "There are Pop-Tarts for you guys on the table." She returned to watching Louis's surfing. "Louis gets his own box, you get two and a half like usual, I'm sharing your spare half and Bee gets his own pack."

"No full out breakfast?" Kathryn pouted.

Brett looked up from his spot on the floor. "Alice doesn't go all out on breakfast anymore."

"I fear I've gone lazy." Alice admitted, straightening up from resting on Louis. "I can only make so much veggie food." She smiled at Brett and Kathryn. Brett refused to eat anything that came from an animal. Kathryn was a bit more reasonable but she still didn't eat meat.

_**"What is veggie food?"**_ Tobi wondered.

_**"I pretty sure she means food made from vegetables."**_Konan stated.

Kakuzu looked towards Zetsu. _**"Better watch out, Zetsu."**_

"Yeah, I don't think I can eat anymore of those vegetarian meals." Louis shuddered. "I enjoy meat too much." He paused when Alice, Kathryn, and Brett gave him smirks. "You can take that however you want to."

"Hey Alice, what happened to all of your posters?" Kathryn wondered, looking around the room. "I could have sworn you had a shitload of Bleach and Naruto posters everywhere. And what happened to your Akatsuki blanket? I don't know how I missed their absence…"

"Louis made me put them away." Alice admitted sadly. "He's being a butthead."

"She's being punished." Louis clarified. "She clearly admitted that she would rather rape the Uchiha than me." He crossed his arms. "In my house, that is not acceptable."

"I didn't say you, only because with you, it wouldn't be rape." Alice muttered. "I'm sure a fictional character would not be okay with me demanding sexual activities out of the blue. _Also_, I could get some from you any time I wanted. It would be a very rare occasion to actually meet someone who doesn't exist."

"Alice, I think the black kitty is dying." Kathryn stated with shocked eyes, pointing directly at Itachi who was having a heart attack.

"Kitty!" Brett yelped, throwing Kathryn off him and rushing over to Itachi. "Don't die Kuro!" He hugged the silky black kitten.

_"__**Hey, Itachi, looks like you're gonna get some action."**_ Hidan laughed. He, Kisame, Bella, Deidara, and Kakuzu were snorting with laughter while Sasori merely smirked. Pein, Konan, and Zetsu were impassive. Innocent little Tobi had no idea what was going on.

"Okay, little Kuro is okay now." Brett said, putting Itachi down and heaving a sigh of relief. "That was scary."

"Brett, did you take your pills?" Alice wondered.

"Nope." Brett proclaimed almost proudly. "I'm gonna take them after I eat." He jumped to his feet. "Which, I'm going to go do right now…" He skipped to the door and slipped outside Alice's room.

"Well my mom just texted me. I've got a college visit to go to in a few hours so she's picking me up in like fifteen minutes." Kathryn announced, looking at her phone. "I guess I'm going to eat and run." She pouted. "I dun wanna leave Alice."

Louis stood and stretched his back cracking as he lifted his muscular arms over his head. "You're going to be able to stay with Alice every now and then after we leave right?" He looked at Kathryn. "Else she'll be here all by herself for however long we're gone."

"Yeah, I already talked to my mom. She said have a nice trip by the way." Kathryn confirmed. "So are you two gonna get married while you're up in Canada?"

"We were thinking about it." Louis told her. "But Ohio is ridiculous and doesn't allow stuff like that." He frowned. "We'll probably cheat the system and do it anyways. Maybe we'll just move to Canada and solve the whole issue." Bella shivered a little. She didn't have anything against gay couples, they just freaked her out some.

"What about your therapist?" Kathryn wondered. Louis had a lot of psychological and mental issues and he has had his own specialist since he was ten. He had a class everyday to make sure he didn't snap.

"I had an extra class yesterday. But he's already scheduled me classes to go to with a different specialist. Apparently this guy has been interested in me for a while and was really eager to work with me while we're up there."

"That sounds kinda creepy." Kathryn commented. "Just don't put your _therapist_ into _therapy_ like you did the last fill-in." She grinned at Louis when he grinned evilly. Bella chuckled, remembering the times she did that with her peanut story. To this day she has not ate another peanut.

"No promises." Louis laughed and walked to the door. He paused and picked up George. "Hey George, you want to come out to the kitchen with me?"

"That's not fair, Lu." Alice sighed. "You can't take just him out there while the rest of the cats have to stay in here."

"They stay until Brett sets up their bathroom." Louis stated. "And I won't bring just him. I'll take Shiny for Brett and you two can bring a kitten with you." He pointed at Itachi. "You can't bring Kuro though, he went outside with you."

"I'll take Blondie and you can bring a kitty." Kathryn stated, picking up Deidara. Alice rolled her eyes and grabbed the closest cat to her which happened to be Kisame. "Yippy for Bruce!" Kathryn smiled when Alice joined her at the door.

Itachi looked around at Pein when they humans left with some of the members. _**"What are we going to do?"**_

_** "Are they all leaving?"**_Konan asked.

Pein shook his head. _**"I think it's just the two men leaving. The girl is staying with us. The tall girl is only here temporarily. In response to your question Itachi, as of right now, we just need to keep the trust of the humans long enough to figure out a way to reverse this and go home."**_He said, turning his head to Itachi. _**"We can't harm anyone in order to keep our true selves hidden. I don't think she'll appreciate ten S-class criminals in her house."**_

"_**Hn."**_Itachi replied.

_**"Where did Deidara-Senpai go?"**_Tobi questioned, searching the room for the blond.

**_"Itachi, you wouldn't want to go either. There was one part of the conversation that involved something highly disturbing that involves you and your brother doing the nasty. I assume you know what that means."_**Itachi growled at Bella's statement.

Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara were all placed on the kitchen table as Kathryn, Brett, and Louis attacked the breakfast food. Alice set Kisame down calmly after getting a bottle of water from the fridge.

She stole one of the Pop-Tarts from Kathryn's open pack and began nibbling on it while watching the cats roam around the table, investigating the parts of the room they could see.

_**"I think the crazy human likes you, Kakuzu,**_** u****n."** Deidara said with a laugh.

_**"Shut up, Blondie."**_Kakuzu retorted monotonously. _**"The blond girl likes **_**you**_**."**_

"Brett, don't feed the kittens people food." Louis scolded as Brett fed Hidan a small bite of his chocolate pop-tart.

_**"What the shit!"**_Hidan shouted angrily. _**"They get to eat good shit like this while we're fed flavored rocks?"**_He meowed at Brett for more.

"But Shiny is such a good kitty." Brett pouted at Hidan. "He likes it. See?"

Louis stared at Brett for a minute. "Don't make pouting faces like that."

"Why?" Brett asked.

"It makes me want to attack you." Louis said with a smirk, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"No explicit activities in the kitchen." Alice snapped, putting down her pop-tart. "Bee, you can't feed the cat people food because it might get sick. I can't believe we named that cat Shiny. It's so unmanly. I think we should have named him Hidan."

"That's enough of your crazy obsessions." Louis stated, turning to Alice. "If we named him Hidan, we'd have to rename George to Kakuzu because I can't have only one of the most awesome Akatsuki team, I need both teammates." He crossed his arms. "We aren't naming them after the characters."

"But they're your favorites." Alice pointed out. "It would be a very nice reason to do so. Shiny is just so… lame."

_**"This guy knows his people."**_ Hidan said with a kitty smirk. _**"I like him."**_

"I like Kakuzu and Hidan too." Brett agreed with a mischievous grin.

Alice frowned. "You only like reading about them fucking each other you little pervert."

Hidan and Kakuzu both froze and turned to face each other. They both had small seizures at what she said. Kathryn however snorted with laughter.

_**"There goes one of Kakuzu's hearts."**_Kisame laughed.

"You do too." Brett challenged. "Admit it."

"It's only when you bombard me with links and demands." Alice sighed. "I'll admit I do enjoy yaoi, but Kakuzu and Hidan aren't exactly my favorite. I love them as characters, but not as lovers, though I wouldn't put them with anyone else."

"So you love them together." Kathryn concluded. "Personally I like Sasori and Deidara."

_**"So is Sasori your 'master' when you're fucking too?"**_ Hidan asked, laughing at Deidara who looked as though he was going to faint.

Louis shrugged. "I like it all. I don't care who is with whom as long as it's happening." He crossed his arms. "I do admit that the Sasuke and Itachi combo is not cool, though." He shook his head. "Incest is not okay."

The four cats shuddered.

"Well guys, my mom is here." Kathryn pouted. "I'll see you when you guys get back."

"What no goodbye sex?" Louis asked as Kathryn stood up and hugged Brett. Alice snorted into her water bottle. Kathryn punched him in the stomach before hugging him.

She smiled. "Bye Lulu, bye Brett, have fun and be careful." She hugged Alice. "Bye Alice, I'll come over as soon as I'm allowed." She waved again before leaving the kitchen and then the house.

"Strange woman." Louis sighed as he sat back down.

Alice rolled her eyes and slipped Kisame a bite of her pop-tart. He licked her fingers, making sure to get the entire chocolaty residue from the digit. She smiled at him when he searched for more.

_**"That was really good. Why can't we eat that?" **_Kisame wondered. Alice waved over Kakuzu and Deidara when Louis got up to get a drink. Brett noticed her actions and grinned at her from over the table.

"So, you are going to eat right when we leave aren't you?" Brett asked, looking at Alice with concern. "I don't want you eating only one meal a day like you usually do."

"That's a normal eating pattern for me, Bee." Alice told him. "I never get hungry. I'll make sure I eat every time I feed the cats. Twice a day is my limit."

"Deal." Brett nodded. "And please go outside at least once a day too."

Louis sat down at the table again. "Alice is the only person I know who is content with sitting inside all day, every day."

_**"That's insane. Are you sure this girl isn't the crazy one, besides that bitch in the bedroom?"**_ Hidan stated. The others merely shrugged in response. They weren't sure either.

Alice shrugged. "I like the indoors. I like outside too, especially in this weather, but I just prefer the indoors."

"You're nuts." Louis shook his head.

Alice frowned. "You have no room to talk." He chuckled at that. "So are you two all packed up?" She watched George, Blondie, Shiny, and Bruce sit in a little circle and meow at each other as if talking.

"Yep." Brett verified. "I checked and double checked everything yesterday." He kissed Louis's cheek when he stood up to throw his wrapper away. "The only thing we have to worry about is you and Louis if he has to go through any security."

"If they get anywhere near my dick or ass I'm fighting them." Louis announced.

_**"Are they gay?" **_Hidan demanded. _**"That's so fucking weird."**_

_**"The other girl said that they were bisexual and homosexual." **_Kakuzu confirmed. _**"I think the shorter one with blond and black hair is the one who likes both genders. The tall skinny one is definitely gay."**_

_**"Thank god the girl took us into her room with her." **_Kisame sighed. He shuddered when he thought of what might have happened if she hadn't.

Brett sighed at Louis. "What car are we going to take up there?"

"Yours." Louis told him. "It's faster and I know Alice likes driving my Hummer."

Brett laughed. "Only because it compensates for her short height and it makes her feel lethal. She's been hanging out with you too much." He rumpled Alice's long brown hair.

Alice smiled dramatically. "Ah, the Hummer makes me feel powerful." She smiled when Louis laughed at her. "And, the Corvette scares me. I have extreme road rage and I can't kill anyone with that as easily as I can with the Hummer."

"What time do we have to head out, babe?" Louis wondered.

"We actually should pack the car now and then we should get going. I told my mom we would be there before noon tomorrow." Brett told him. He looked at Alice. "Are you sure you don't want to go?"

"I'm positive." Alice sighed. "I have the cats to take care of now, not to mention I hate long car rides and I'm afraid of airport security so I wouldn't fly there. I don't want to have anything to do with Trent. I know he's up there visiting his parents too."

"Oh yeah." Louis nodded. "I forgot he was up there. I guess it would be better for you to stay here." Alice scoffed and began massaging Kisame who was sitting closest to her.

_**"What is she… oh, that feels pretty good."**_ Kisame began. He had felt Alice's fingers tickling his back before she started rubbing his fur gently. Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara all gave him strange looks as he began purring.

"Alright then, let's go load the car." Brett sighed. He waited for Louis at the door before heading upstairs to their room to get their bags.

Alice lifted Deidara. "Alright kitties, let's put you back with your friends." She set him on her shoulder. "Make sure you hold on tight. I promise I won't let you fall but you've got to help out too." She picked up Hidan and placed him on her other shoulder before grabbing both Kisame and Kakuzu to carry in her arms.

She carried them up the stairs easily and kicked her door open even though it was shut securely. She made sure she caused none of the cats inside her room an injury before setting Kisame and Kakuzu down before Hidan and Deidara.

"Okay, two kitties to go outside with me…" She raised her eyebrows. "Loofa, you can come and who else?" The other cats just watched her, wondering if she would designate anyone at random like she usually did.

She shrugged. "Okay, three of you get to come." She picked up Itachi and set him on her shoulder before grabbing Konan. "Kuro, Cutie, and Loofa." She carried them out of her room before pulling on her jacket again. She put Konan inside one of the inside pockets to keep her warm. "This is so you'll be warm, Cutie. I don't want you to freeze." She put her hood up to cover Itachi and then tucked Sasori safely in her arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N. Hello my readers! Nothing much going on today. I am rather surprised at the word count. 11,635 words.  
**

**FIRST PERSON BELLA!**

I sighed in relief as Alice left the room.

"Good, now I can go back to my demon form." Black flames swirled around me as nineteen extra tails billowed out behind me and my form started to grow until I stood up, sighing in relief.

"What the hell bitch?!" I glared at Hidan and kicked him lightly.

"I am not a bitch, _Shiny_,even though I was first mated to an Inu-daiyoukai. If he heard that, we'd be having cat shish kabob for dinner. If you'll excuse me I must get dressed and be off. I need to go shopping, tell the girl that I'll be back. Laters!" I opened the window and slid out before flashing to the mall.

* * *

**FIRST PERSON ALICE!**

I left the house and walked outside to see Louis throwing the last of their bags into the back seat of Brett's shiny blue Corvette. He looked up when I came closer and shut the door to the car. Sensing danger I quickly handed Brett Cutie and Loofa just before Louis pulled me into a back breaking hug.

"Poor Kuro, he's probably having a heart attack." I muttered into Louis's chest as he broke my bones. "Bye Lulu, I'll see you when you get back."

"We'll call you when we get there, love." Louis told me. He took Cutie and Loofa from Brett before he glomped me. I made sure Kuro was still alive before returning his warm embrace. The poor cat was clutching onto me for dear life.

"Bye Bee." I said to him. He squeezed me again.

He kissed my cheek. "Bye my dear." He kissed Kuro's head, much to the cat's discomfort. "I'll call you every day."

"I know you will." I said boredly. "Relax Brett, I'll be fine. I promise."

Louis handed me back the cats before kissing me. "I don't want any guys over. Girls are fine. That's my territory though, no guys. No fucking anyone either. Keep it in your pants."

"Louis, get out of here." I sighed. "You sound like at dog."

"I'll pee on the house if it gets my point across." Louis continued as serious as a heart attack. I laughed at his tone and nodded.

"Alright no guys just Kathryn." I waved goodbye to them with my free hand that wasn't holding Loofa. I watched them get in the car and drive away before sighing in slight relief and heading back inside.

I set Loofa down on the couch downstairs with Cutie and Kuro before taking off my jacket. "Stay here kitties; I'm going to let your friends out now that Brett and Louis are gone. Brett just finished putting liter boxes in the bathrooms, kitchen, and laundry room so you're all good to roam around the house."

I hurried up the stairs as fast as my slight Climacophobia would let me before opening my bedroom door. "Alright kitties, you're free, go scour the house, break things, run as fast as your kitty legs can carry you!" I paused. "No, don't break things because then I'll drown you in the sink. Jokingly of course…"

I watched the cats trail out of my room cautiously and look around as if searching for something before looking back at me when I watched them.

"The other kitties are downstairs on the couch. You guy should probably start down there, it's where you'll be most of the time." I left my door open just in case they liked to use my bathroom liter box and led the train of cats down stairs to the living room.

Kuro, Loofa, and Cutie were exactly where I left them. I hadn't expected them to stay put like that. I assumed they would have wandered around. I shrugged, waving it off and went through the downstairs, opening at least one window in every room. I then returned to the living room and threw myself on the unoccupied couch.

"Ah, cold air!" I sighed, enjoying the cold air that whizzed through the windows. "Be good kitties, if you need to go to the bathroom, do it in the kitchen or one of the bathrooms. The laundry room works too but I think it's closed."

I heard hissing after a long while of silence and looked up from the couch to see some of the kittens were backing Pumpkin into one of the corners of the room. I frowned. "Hey, no fighting." I picked up Pumpkin and place him safely on my stomach as I returned to my lounging position on the couch.

I sniffed Pumpkin when something weird caught my attention. He stunk, really bad. "Dang Pumpkin, you stink." I placed him on the couch as I sat up. "I'm sure you all need a bath. You were strays before." I raised my eyebrows. "So will you cooperate or am I going to have to resort to violence?"

The cats all looked at me like I was insane. "Well then come up stairs with me. You'll feel better once you're all nice and clean."

I stood, taking Pumpkin with me and went towards the stairs, expecting only one or two of the kittens to follow me out of curiosity, not all nine of them. I stared at them in confusion for a minute before shaking my head and heading up the stairs with my ten feline friends. I planned on finding Bella after giving these ones a bath.

"You cats sure are strange." I told them as we made it to my room. "Into the bathroom, kitties!" I shut my bedroom door before ushering them into the bathroom and then shutting that door. "Okay, into the tub with all of you."

I checked my towel supply, I had more than enough. Brett and Louis just chucked all the towels in my bathroom and walked naked around the house to get one. I shook my head in remembrance. I put all the cats into the tub before turning on the warm water.

The cats behaved a lot better than I expected. Cats are supposed to hate water and yet these cats seemed to think water was about as interesting as a bag full of rice. I shrugged and waited for the now warm water to reach their furry little paws.

My eyes widened as loud pops filled the bathroom and smoke erupted from the bathtub. "Oh my Jashin, how dirty were you guys?" I asked, waving away the smoke. I felt myself die and return to life as I took in the scene before me.

Ten _very _familiar, _very __**naked**_ people were standing in my bathtub staring at me.

My first thought pushed me into action. I snatched the robe I never used from the pile of towels and wrapped it around what was once Cutie before dragging her out of the bathroom and into the safety of my room away from the nine other occupants who happened to be male._ Naked_ males. _Attractive _naked males.

"Wow, she's fast." I heard a deep amused voice say.

I closed my eyes and placed my back against the door. "There are now ten naked people in house. All of which I know…" I shook my head. "I've gone insane. Three years living with Louis and I've finally snapped. I'm seeing fictional characters."

"Thank you." A calm voice said from a few feet away. I opened my eyes to see Konan rewrapping the robe around her. "For the robe…"

"Don't mention it." I told her. "The first thing that popped into my head was that you were the only girl and I had to help you out." I laughed without humor. "Please tell me you have an explanation for all of this. Please tell me I'm not going crazy."

"You're not crazy." Konan said with a small smile. "We can explain this, but we need Pein-sama." She gestured to the bathroom behind me.

"Yeah, let's get him out here." I agreed. I opened the door and stuck only my arm in, waving my hand around randomly. "You, there are towels all over the place in there, cover up your manhood and then get out here. If you aren't decent when you emerge from the naked depths that is my bathroom, I'll get Louis's cleaver and fix you."

I sat on my computer chair and waited with Konan who took a seat on my bed for the guys to join us. Pein threw open the door and walked out with the others trailing behind him. He looked around at me and crossed his arms. I ignored this and focused on keeping my drool at seeing nine attractive dudes standing half naked in my bedroom.

"We can explain this." Pein said stoically.

I laughed without humor, turning my attention to his pierced face. "Well I certainly hope so because I can't." Then I did laugh with humor. "Brett is going to be so disappointed about losing his cats."

"If we tell you our situation, will you tell us where exactly we are and how you know of us?" Pein wondered.

"Sure, why not?" I asked. I made a mental note not to tell them anything that would affect relationships and the Naruto storyline that had somehow made its way into my bedroom.

"We never actually intended on you finding out our identities, besides the fact that you seem to already know a great deal about us." Pein said as he sat on the bed beside Konan. "We aren't exactly sure how all of this came about either, or how to get back. All I remember is that we were investigating a new potential lair when Tobi pressed a red button in a strange room.

"A bright light erupted around us and we woke up in the back yard belonging to an old man. He put us into a box and set us on your doorstep. The next thing we know, Bella showed up and you took us in. Speaking of Bella, she said to tell you that she went shopping and would be back soon." My eyebrow was raised when he finished.

"It's always Tobi's fault." I said with a sigh. "I should have known." I was rewarded from a loud apology from the offender and a round of laughter from the members that actually showed emotion.

"Now it's your turn." Pein told me.

I exhaled loudly. "Well, in _my _world, there is this thing called _Naruto_. It's a manga and anime. An anime is an animated TV show just in case you didn't know. You guys are sexy spawns of some guy's imagination. Congratulations." I paused. _I just called them sexy spawns didn't I? Fuck. _"As for where you are, you're in Ohio which is a state in the country of the United States of America on the continent of North America on the planet Earth."

Pein raised his eyebrows. "How is that even possible?"

I reached inside my desk and pulled out the first box set of the show. "Trust me pal, it's super possible… obviously." They eyed it as if it was Satan.

"So, how much do you know about us?" He asked.

I glanced up at him and sighed. "I can't tell you _everything_ I know, but I can give you a general overview." I told him. He frowned but gestured for me to go on. "I know your whole plan. I know you want the tailed beasts and I know what you want them for. I know Hidan's a nutcase and I know Kakuzu is stingy. I know Sasori and Deidara both have obsessions with art and all that jazz." I crossed my arms. "I can give you more details of my knowledge in private, but I'm pretty sure some things are meant to be kept secret from one another."

"I love how she isn't at all bothered by the fact that we're S-class criminals." Hidan pointed out. "We could have killed you by now and you're even insulting us."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "I'm _terrified_." Kisame chuckled at my obvious sarcasm. "To be honest, the only thing that has bothered me so far was the fact that you guys probably made a mess of my bathroom and the fact that I now have to feed all of you."

"So the nakedness and criminals part didn't bother you?" Sasori wondered.

I shook my head. "Nope, I'm used to seeing naked guys, they may not all be as good looking as you guys but they have the same set up. I live with two aspiring nudists. The criminal thing hasn't even clicked yet. I think I might still just be surprised you're all here." I smiled to myself. "When it does, watch out."

"Well she's just about as emotional as Itachi." Hidan stated sadly.

"Sorry to disappoint." I apologized. "Anyways, uh, first things first, would you guys like some clothes?"

"Hell yeah we do, un!" Deidara said with relief.

I looked at Konan. "You could probably fit in my clothes." I looked around at the others. "Louis and Brett's clothes might fit you." I sighed when I saw Kakuzu and Kisame. "Except you two of course. Zetsu, do you even wear clothes?" I raised my eyebrows at the plant man.

"**No.** Just a coat or something along those lines would be fine." Zetsu told me. I nodded, expecting that.

"Yeah, Kakuzu, Kisame, I've got clothes that could fit you but it'll take me a minute to find them." I stood. "Louis and Brett's friend Drake, who is about as big as Kisame left a trench coat here for some reason. I'll get that for you Zetsu." I looked at Konan. "Just grab whatever you want to wear, I don't mind." She thanked me quietly.

I walked over to my door and paused. "These clothes are only temporary until I get the chance to go to the mall. If you want clothes, you're going to have to go with me because I hate shopping alone."

"Why do we have to go with you, girl?" Sasori wondered.

I glanced back at him. "First off, call me Alice. It's my name, it's there for a reason, use it." I ignored his eye rolling. "Secondly, I don't know your sizes, and if you make me go alone, I'm getting you all dresses." I turned to Pein. "Yes, even you."

"She's feisty." Kisame chuckled.

I ignored his comment. "Any who, boys come with me so we can get you smaller guys dressed and so Konan can have free run of my room to find what she wants." I opened the door and walked to Brett and Louis's room. "Louis is going to be pissed." I opened their door and allowed my train of criminals to trail in after me.

"Sasori, Itachi, Deidara, Tobi, Hidan, and Pein, you are more than welcome to go through Brett and Louis's clothes." I paused beside Brett's dresser. "I suggest you wear Louis's pants because all Brett wears are skinny jeans and pajama pants and I'm pretty sure none of you will fit into the jeans; the PJ's will work though." I sat on the bed and waited for them to find clothing.

After a few minutes I noticed none of them were grabbing boxers. I sighed internally. "You guys do wear underwear right?" I asked. They all looked at me like I was insane. Kisame, who was sitting next to me, scooted away.

"Well, their underwear is clean. I do the laundry myself so you guys can wear it." I shook my head when Hidan and Deidara made grossed out faces. "Oh get over yourselves. You're in an understandable situation. Wear the boxers."

"Alright bitch, don't get your panties in a bunch." Hidan barked. I raised my eyebrow threateningly and grabbed the cleaver out from under Louis's pillow. I then pulled Itachi by his arm out of my way and threw my weapon at Hidan. It embedded itself in his arm.

"OUCH!" He shouted. He looked down to see the knife and looked towards me angrily. I pointed to Kisame who was now rolling around on the bed laughing. He went to throw it back at us after wrenching it from his arm but a look from Pein made him stop instantly.

I giggled before going to Brett's bathroom. I grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around Hidan's arm when I returned to make sure he didn't bleed everywhere. I took the knife from him and returned it.

After a few minutes I got some bandages from the first aid kit and bandaged up the zealot, making sure he wasn't going to die. Not that he could...

"Okay, I'm going to take Kakuzu and Kisame back to my room to get them clothes." I announced. "Get dressed while I'm gone and then come back. Then we'll get everything straightened out." They all agreed and I left with the giants.

Konan opened the door when I knocked and I saw she had chosen one of the only not black or red shirts I had which happened to be blue and some of my sweat pants. I smiled at her and went to my closet. As soon as I reached it, the other ninjas had finished and were finding places to sit.

Those stupid ninjas and their fast dressing…

I threw open my closet door and paused, looking back at the occupants of my room. "Do not pay any attention to the things I'm throwing out of my closet in my search for clothing." I took the strange looks as them intending on judging me anyways and focused on the dark depths.

I began tossing everything I had stuffed into my closet which included my beloved Akatsuki blanket, my various anime posters, plushies of all of the Akatsuki and most other characters from a shit load of other anime. I ignored the laughter and the comments behind me.

"I think you have a fan, Itachi." Kisame snickered as I threw out _another_ Itachi item. I grabbed a Kisame plushie I just discovered and hit him in the face with it. I was greeted by what I assumed was a thankful smile from Itachi.

"I like sharks." I said into my closet. Hidan and Deidara chortled with laughter. "And terrorists." I added when I threw Deidara's contribution to my collection at him. "I'm not too fond of religious psycho murderers though." I tossed Hidan's look alike into the crowd.

Kakuzu snorted. "I like her." I beamed at him in response.

"Do you have one of these for everyone, un?" Deidara questioned me.

"But of course!" I told him. "AHA!" I stood up, dragging a box out of my closet. "I have an obsession, don't judge me." I added. I paused. "Does anyone want to help me open the box of goodies? Tape hates me and doesn't like to cooperate. I'll make you food."

"**That depends, **what's in the box?" Zetsu asked, staring at the cardboard rectangular prism of wonder.

"Well, clothes for Kisame and Kakuzu, and possibly potential underwear for you if you want it." I told him. I watched Kisame walk over to the box and rip it open with ease. "See, if I would have tried doing that, I would be bleeding everywhere and it would have taken about six hours." Sasori laughed at me.

I dug in the box and grabbed three pairs of massive shorts. "My friend Jason, who was about as big as Kisame let these behind after he died. I'm not entirely sure why I still have them." I admitted. I threw the shorts to Kisame, Kakuzu, and Zetsu. "Use these as boxers if you want to, I don't care either way."

"How did he die?" Pein asked. I was surprised he was even remotely curious.

"I killed him." I told him simply. I watched them all gawk at me like I was serious. I laughed after a second of enjoying their faces. "I'm joking. He died in a car wreck like three years ago. I'm not a murder like some people." I looked at each one of them personally.

"There's nothing wrong with a little killing." Hidan spoke. I sighed, ignoring his opinion.

I threw shirts and pants at Kisame and Kakuzu. "What do you want to eat, Kisame? I'll make it later after we attack the mall."

"I don't know, what do you people eat in this world?" He asked.

I sighed. "Shrimp and crab are your favorite right?" He looked creeped out that I knew what his favorite foods are but nodded all the same. Thank you Naruto wiki. "I have shrimp here so I can make that for you. And since you're all being good, I'll make stuff for you too. Kisame gets spoiled though because he's helpful."

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi declared popping up next to me. I had been waiting for him to do that since I found out he was here.

"Yes Tobi, you're a very good boy." I nodded patting his head. "I'll give you candy if you promise to remain being a good boy. You can't annoy the other though. Deal?"

"Tobi likes Alice-chan." Tobi announced, hugging me. More like crushing me…

"Too much love." I gasped in his hug. He let go and I resumed my normal breathing pattern. I sighed and went to my computer chair. I sat on it, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I then rested my chin on my knees.

"So what now?" Itachi asked.

"Well, now we decided what the hell we're going to do." I said simply. "I have ten badass criminals in my house, nine of which are rapeable and one is extremely gorgeous." I added the last part for Konan considering I had no intention or desire to rape her. She smiled when I flashed a wink at her. "And I honestly have no clue what to do with you."

"What do you mean?" Pein wondered, eyeing me as if I was plotting against them.

I rested my chin on my knees. "Obviously I'm going to keep you guys. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something bad happened to you. However, I'm going to have to make sure I have enough food to keep you all alive, I have to get you clothes and other necessities. I have to somehow explain this to Brett and Louis, and Kathryn when she comes over." I closed my eyes and sighed. "Thank god Brett and Louis are loaded. I should have enough money to not have to rely on them but I don't want to use all of my funds."

I froze as something clicked. "Oh my Jashin. I have ten criminals, murderers in my bedroom." I pouted. "But wait…" I looked up and saw Itachi gazing at me from the egg chair he slept in as a kitty. "Ah, that gorgeous face makes everything bearable." I smiled to myself and tuned out the giggling.

I had Itachi freaking Uchiha in my bedroom. I wasn't about to start complaining. I also had eight other really bangable males in my bedroom now as well. There was a God, and he did love me. A lot.

I jumped when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and noticed Kathryn had texted me.

_Hey hoe, how are you holding up?_

I quickly responded. _As soon as you get home, can you come over? I'm lonely already and I need some Kathryn attention._ I wasn't really lonely but I needed _someone_ to enjoy this with me and she was my best friend.

"What is that thing?" Sasori asked from my bed.

I looked up when I sent the message. "It's called a cell phone. It's a way people in my world talk to each other over long distances. I can call or message someone whenever I want and it only takes a few minutes to get to them." I explained. "It's quite convenient."

I turned my attention to Kakuzu as something returned to my memory. "You slept in my lap last night." I heard Hidan snort. "Please tell me you weren't being perverted."

"You were comfortable." Kakuzu admitted.

I shrugged. "Fair enough." I jumped up as I remembered something else. "You guys have excellent timing!"

"Is that sarcasm, un?" Deidara wondered.

"No, I'm being serious. There's a massive sale at the mall today. It lasts all weekend. I'll be saving a lot of money by getting you your things today." I darted over to my dresser and grabbed a pair of socks and shoes. I gave them to Konan. "Here, these should fit you."

I looked at Kakuzu and Kisame. "Go to the bathroom and change while I get you guys shoes." They looked at me, confused why I was suddenly moving around so much, so fast.

"Where are we going again?" Pein inquired.

I stopped at the door. "It's a very large public building full of stupid people and hormonal teenagers." I told him simply. "Zetsu, I don't think you'll fit in to well at the mall with your plant thing, you don't mind about not going do you?"

"No, **why would I want to go**?" His multiple personalities asked.

I accepted that. "That makes two of us." Or should I have said three? I turned to Tobi. "Sorry Tobi, but you can't go either with that mask of yours. It's not normal for people to wear masks into public places in my world."

"Tobi doesn't want to take off his mask." Tobi said in a panic, pulling on my sleeve.

"Alright then, will you not bother Zetsu while we're gone?" I turned to Zetsu. "Feel free to eat him if he makes a mess of my house." He gave me a creepy smile.

"Remind me again why we all have to fucking go." Hidan growled from the corner of the bed. I frowned and looked at him.

"Kakuzu, do you think he would look good in a pink or purple dress?" I asked, looking at Kakuzu after finishing my death glare directed at Hidan.

"Purple." Kakuzu told me with a chuckle.

"Point taken." Hidan said with a sigh.

I patted his head. "Good boy." I returned to the door. "Now sit here and stay put for a minute, I have to get shoes." I left without waiting for a reply and hurried to Brett and Louis's room. I dug around in their closet and found seven pairs of shoes for the guys. I mentally thanked Brett and Louis for being obsessed with shoes and for having big feet.

After getting socks I went back to my room and let the guys fight over which shoes they wanted. I found my set of keys for the Hummer and addressed the now fully clothed and shoed Akatsuki members. "The rules are Number one: No killing people. Number two: No sacrificing people," I pointed at Hidan. "Number three: No stealing money," Kakuzu received a finger in his direction. "No Ninjutsu or Genjustu." I glared at Itachi, Pein, Konan, and Kisame. "There will be no bombing anything and no making others puppets. Do absolutely not leave this house without my permission." My gaze drifted over the puppeteer and the terrorist. "Just be good okay?"

They all just stared at me. "Pein-sama, be a dear and make them agree or I'll throw you out on the streets."

"Do as she says." Pein said calmly. The group said words of obedience before following me as I instructed.

"Zetsu, Tobi, make sure you do _not_ answer the door for anyone unless it is us." I instructed. "And for those venturing to the mall, if a girl starts hitting on you, simply threaten her or tell her you belong to me."

I paused. "I'll be sure to get you guys presents." I looked at Tobi in particular. "Will candy be acceptable, Tobi?" I was answered with an eager response as I shooed out the other members. I raised my eyebrow at him when he was the only one looking at me. "Is candy okay?" I mouthed at him. I saw his head nod once and I smiled at him before locking the door.

I led the troops to the vehicle. I unlocked it with the super clicker and told them to get in. They all looked at it with slight fear in their eyes so I grabbed Konan and led her to the passenger seat. They watched me as I opened the door and help her in. I then showed them how to buckle the seat belt.

"It's not going to eat you so get in." I said with a laugh.

After a few sighs, laughs, and Hidan's bloody nose, they were all safely in the Hummer and I was pulling away from the little condo I dwelled in.

"Hidan, please don't bleed on the seats. I don't want Louis to lock me in the dryer again." I told him. Most of the more emotional members raised their eyebrows at my past punishment.

"Then you shouldn't have punched me." He snapped, making sure not to bleed on the seats anyways.

"Well you shouldn't have second based me." I retorted, looking back at him in the rearview mirror.

"I just grabbed your fucking tit." Hidan grumbled. Kakuzu shook his head at his partner.

"In my world, we call it someone second basing or in your case: attempted pedophilia." I explained. "You choose. Do it again, and I'll cut your penis off."

"Fine." He growled.

I sighed. "Alright kiddies, remember: don't talk to strangers, look both ways and hold hands before and while crossing the street. Also, don't kill anyone." I shook my head at my own antics. "I'm babysitting and I'm not even getting paid. Hopefully Bella is better than them."

"Before we left, you said something about people hitting on us?" Sasori reminded. "What exactly did you mean?"

"Well some girls in our world know sexy guys when they see them." I informed him. "If you tell them I own you or if you threaten them well enough, they'll leave you alone." I glanced at Konan. "Same goes for guys though you can break their face if you want. I give you permission." She laughed.

"How come Konan gets special privileges, un?" Deidara demanded.

"Well that's because she's my favorite female character in the show and I like her better than you as a person." I told him with a smile. He glared at me. "Deal with it Blondie." Sasori chuckled at my obvious sarcasm.

"What would telling them you own us do anyways?" Kisame asked, getting me back on topic. He leaned forward in his seat to rest his chin on my chair.

"I'll fight them." I said calmly. "I can't risk you killing them on accident or on purpose because you're all super badass ninjas, but I can fight them and not have to worry about it." I pulled into the mall parking lot. Since I lived in the middle of civilization the mall was only like ten minutes away in massive traffic like there always was.

Itachi was the first one out of the car when I parked and shut it off. He seemed very eager to get out of such a cramped space. I wrote it off as just his personality and ninja habits. "Jashin you move fast." I said looking at Itachi as I dropped down from the driver's seat.

"Hn." He grunted at me, giving me a small Uchiha smirk.

"So what are we getting?" Pein questioned me as he got out of the car and shut the door behind him. Kakuzu, Konan and Hidan came around from the other side as Kisame towered over me from behind and Itachi stood silently beside me.

"Clothes first off; I can get food when we need it." I went through a mental checklist. "I'll probably get some little things for myself and I'm willing to buy you all something if you behave." I said in a tone similar to a mother of badly behaved children.

"Define behave." Hidan said while looking towards the massive building beyond that was the mall. I rolled my eyes at his words before turning around and heading towards the store.

Once inside the building, I led them to various clothing stores and let them pick different things, limiting them to five shirts and six pants. Shoes weren't necessary so they didn't get any.

We passed by a Victoria's Secret and I had to drag Hidan away from the store by his ear when he insisted on going in. I had to make sure Konan didn't want to partake in their clothing first since she seemed to be slightly interested. She quickly declined. Thankfully…

We approached Borders and I led them inside, assuming some of the more intelligent murderers might want a book or something. Itachi browsed the isles with interest with Pein and they looked around, searching for something that caught their eye. Konan found some origami books and was looking through them intently. We discovered Bella with a _huge _pile of manga and various other books.

I followed Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, and Deidara around, making sure they weren't doing anything bad. I had instructed Sasori to keep Itachi, Pein, and Konan in his sights. He assured me that he wasn't going to act like an idiot and for some reason, I trusted him.

I noticed Kisame looking at the different manga curiously before reaching out to grab one. My eyes widened as I realized that was the most recent release of the same show he was from. It was the one where Sasuke infiltrates the land of Iron.

"Kisame, step away from the balance breaker." I snapped, slapping his hand. "Bad shark boy! Bad!" He looked at me like a kicked puppy. "Sorry but I think that will be a bit too much information for you young man."

"What do you mean?" He asked. I shook my head and assured him that if he read it, he would turn pink and be raped by scaly pandas. His eyes widened at me but he heeded my warning. I sighed internally with relief.

"Do they have any fucking porn in this place?" Hidan asked, a little too loudly for a _book _store. I face-palmed.

"I'm not sure exactly, but please keep the cursing to a minimum and lower your voice or else we'll get kicked out." I told him. "I'll make you ribs for dinner tomorrow."

He looked at me, considering my offer before shrugging, giving in. I jumped in fright when Itachi appeared behind me and tapped my shoulder.

"Jesus!" I snapped, turning to look at him. "Warn a person would you?" He just stared at me. "Did you need something or did you just want to give me a heart attack."

"I think we are done looking for books." He told me stoically. I saw he had two chosen. Pein and Konan stood behind him, each with one in their hands. Sasori stood beside Deidara, his arms crossed calmly. Bella was already at the cash register and paying for the mountain of books.

"Oh, alright." I gestured for the books and they surrendered them to me. I bought them with my Borders card. I was a regular and I got special discounts for coming here almost every day. I spent my time here while Louis was at his classes and Brett worked.

I added another bag to my arm before leaving the book store with my cats behind me. "Where to now guys?" I asked looking back at them. "Anywhere in particular you want to check out?" I had saw Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame eyeing Spencer's when we passed it earlier. When I asked, they confirmed their desire to go look.

"Alice!" I looked around when someone shouted my name. I instantly regretted it. One of my, for lack of a better word, friends I had met through Brett and Louis jogged over to me. I raised my eyebrows at him as he approached, oblivious to the eight people glaring at him.

"What do you want, Adam?" I asked in annoyance. I was no longer on good terms with this guy but I was decent enough to be civilized around him. He was my ex from two years of dating. We broke up under very rough circumstances. He still liked me though.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd have gone with Brett and Louis." He asked. He was almost as big as Kakuzu. Thankfully he wasn't a badass ninja with chakra or else I'd have lost my head long ago.

"No, I'm home while they're gone." I told him. "We got cats a few days ago and I have to take care of them." I didn't add that eight of those cats were behind me staring at him.

He smirked. "You can bring them over to my place and stay with me. I've got plenty of room. I don't want you to be in that house all alone for god knows how long."

"The fuck is this guy?" Hidan asked from behind me. "Can I kill him?" I shot a look at Hidan before turning back to the walking time bomb.

"No thanks." I said coldly. "Now go away." I went to turn around but was stopped. Adam had grabbed my arm and was holding me in place. "Let go dick-face."

"Don't act like that." He told me with his signature expression. I knew that face. It meant he was actually very annoyed but he was trying to look calm and unaffected by my choice of nicknames. Adam has a very short temper, the cause of the ended relationship.

"Adam, get off." I growled. "I'm not putting up with your shit. I'm stressed out today so get off or I'll shove my foot so far up your ass you'll be walking around bowlegged for a month." I obviously forgot threatening someone twice my size with a short temper is illogical.

"Get away bastard, or I may have to kill you." Bella snarled at another guy that was taunting her. He didn't seem part of Adam's group.

He tightened his grip and I winced, feeling the bruise from his hand already forming. Thankfully I brought my kitties. Itachi was suddenly standing in between us and Adam's grip was broken when Kisame ripped me away from him.

_Ah, I think I'm in love._

"What do you want?" Adam asked, returning Itachi's sexy glare quite easily.

Itachi didn't blink. "She told you to get off."

"Who are you supposed to be? Her boyfriend?" Adam scoffed as if anyone could be. I sighed and shook my head at his cocky behavior.

"She's with me." Itachi stated coldly in that drool inducing voice of his. On cue, I drooled. He was the reason I had become interested in the Akatsuki and now I was hooked. Ah, such a beautiful Uchiha.

He glared passed Itachi at me. "You're with this guy? His hair is almost as long as yours." He shook his head. "You downgraded since you went out with me."

"I disagree." I commented. "He's so much hotter than you. That and he's got a great personality whereas you're just an asshole."

"Oh really?" He challenged.

"Indeed." I confirmed. "Now go away, you're an embarrassment to society." I looked at Itachi. "Come on sexy, I've got to buy some candy for Tobi." He raised his eyebrow at me. "He's a waste of time and I don't want your intelligence level to drop from being around him for too long." I turned away from the nightmare and led my guests to Spencer's. Bella eventually followed, having punched the guy from earlier into the wall.

"Was that necessary?" I deadpanned. She nodded.

I then noticed that her stack of books were missing.

"What happened to-" She cut me off by putting a finger on her arm and focusing a black flame at the end. A very detailed tattoo appeared, so I guessed it was a storage seal.

Adam glared at me. "You're going to regret that."

"I doubt it." I said over my shoulder as we walked towards the prank store. He made to follow after me. "Leave me alone Adam or I'll get a restraining order on your ass… scratch that, I'll just let them kill you. They have a lot of pent up energy and I'm pretty sure my silver haired friend here would like a sacrifice." I patted Hidan's shoulder.

"That little pussy couldn't put a scratch on me." Adam scoffed. I made sure to stop Hidan from proving him wrong as he made to do so.

"Hidan, don't." I said so only he could hear me. "I'll let you if he bothers us again but don't do it right now."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Are you serious?"

"I'm as serious as a heart attack." I confirmed, glancing at Kakuzu when he popped into my head. "Now enter the prank store and let us get your gift shall we?" He shrugged, taking my word for it and entered the store without a fight. "You're such a good boy Hidan."

Kakuzu gave me a questioning and disgusted look. "You're messed up, girl."

"It's Alice." I sighed. "And I don't know how you don't love him," I looked at Hidan, "and vice versa." I patted Kakuzu.

"He's an idiot." Kakuzu deadpanned.

"He's a jackass." Hidan said at the same time.

I shrugged. "Well I love you both." I told them. "Now go and blow your minds with goodies!" I shooed them further into the store before going to Itachi and Kisame who were looking at bumper stickers.

Itachi looked around at me when I joined them. Kisame smirked at me and pointed to one that said something along the lines of "Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole." I had to laugh at that.

"Thanks for before guys." I said after I finished my laugh.

Kisame patted my head. "Don't sweat it, Alice." I noted he was the first to use my name other than Tobi. I loved Kisame, he was my second favorite.

"Honestly, thank you. I shouldn't have gotten you involved." I repeated.

Itachi looked at me with his black orbs. "It would have been rude to not help you." He said. "You are our caretaker after all." He gestured in the direction of the others. "If I hadn't stepped forward, I'm pretty sure the others certainly would have."

"How on earth did you guys become murderers and criminals?" I asked rhetorically. Kisame snickered and patted me again before going over to join Deidara by the fireworks. _Figures._ I told myself.

Itachi glanced at me. "So, how much _do _you know?"

I sighed. "I know _everything_." I lowered my voice. "I know about your situation, your clan, your relationship with your brother. _Everything_."

He gave me a strange look. I wasn't sure if he was impressed and shocked or slightly peeved that someone knew about his deepest secret. "How?"

I scoffed. "Well you are my favorite." He smirked at that ever so slightly. "Even before I found out about the details behind the massacre you had were my favorite character from the moment I saw you with Kisame. Next would have to be Sasuke until I got to know Kisame a little more, now they're tied for second."

"Why?" He asked with one of his super one-worded responses.

"You're hot, I love your attitude, and the Sharingan is probably the most badass thing in the entire world." I admitted while looking passed him. "There's probably a boat load of other reasons but I'll tell you about those in a minute after I kill Deidara for having highly dangerous combustible things next to the lighters while Kakuzu plays with one."

I hurried around him to go beat Deidara and Kakuzu. I smacked Deidara on the back of his head while punching Kakuzu. "Bad murderers!" I snatched the fireworks from Deidara and the lighter from Kakuzu. "Don't put fire so close to things that explode. I know you love to make things go boom but do it outside."

"Why not, yeah?" The blond questioned me with an extremely adorable innocent face. I melted internally but kept up my scolding demeanor.

"If this exploded while inside that would mean you broke one of my rules, whereas, I'd have to slit your throat and kick you all out onto the streets to fend for yourselves." I told him. "And Alice doesn't want to do that because Alice loves you."

"Why are you taking like Tobi, un?" Deidara questioned as Kakuzu muttered something about me being crazy.

"It's more effective." I said absently, returning the dangerous toys. "Now pick something out so we can leave. I'm going blind with the lack of light." Seriously, the Spencer's in my mall is like a pit of doom.

Deidara pointed at the fireworks. "I want those, yeah." He grabbed another lighter and promptly placed in my hands. "And that."

I nodded, expecting as much. "Silly little pyro." He smirked at me. "What do you want Kakuzu?" I asked, looking at the very large stitched man before me.

He shrugged. "Nothing in particular, this world has nothing of value to me."

"Just give him money." Sasori told me, appearing at my shoulder like the ninja he is. I gasped and jumped at his sudden arrival, causing him to chuckle at me.

"Stupid ninjas." I muttered to myself.

"Hey Alice, will you wear this if I get it?" Hidan asked, scurrying over to me. I saw him holding onto one of the many… lewd… clothing items they have here for women.

I stared at him for about five minutes, creeping him out with my glare. "Put it back." I hissed. He pouted but didn't challenge me. Apparently my death glare got the point across. "Get something appropriate please." I added as he went to return the sad excuse for clothing.

He returned about a minute later with two or three prank things. "That's much better Hidan." I praised, patting his slicked back silver hair. "I'll take those." I saw Kisame standing beside Itachi now, his hands in the pockets of the borrowed pants. He said he didn't want anything when I asked him so I shrugged and went to the counter to buy the goods.

Luckily I know everyone that lives in the area or else I wouldn't have been able to buy these things. I was only 16 and in Ohio, you need to have a license to have get fireworks and I didn't have one of those. Brett did though. The guy working at the register lived next door to me until I was thirteen so he rang up the goodies without question.

"Bye Alice." He said to me after I thanked him and made my way towards the exit. I waved goodbye at him and left with my purchases in my grasp and my hobos in tow.

"So do you like know everyone?" Kisame asked me.

I nodded. "Pretty much, yeah." I stepped over a forgotten bottle of water lying near a trash can. "If you've lived around here your entire life and you're a member of my family, you eventually become at least acquaintances with everyone you're not related to." I sighed. "I'm known by everyone in the city by my first name and everyone in the area around it by my last."

"That sounds annoying." Kakuzu commented.

"You have no idea." I told him. I led them to the exit and from there, back to the Hummer. I stowed the bags into the trunk before climbing in after doing a head count. Making sure I had all five idiots and three good kids I turned the vehicle on and drove away. Bella just waved my offer to drive her off and she disappeared back into the mall.

"By the way guys, I'm sorry you had to get dragged into my personal problems." I said, focusing on the road. "It wasn't fair of me to allow that." Drama usually isn't my thing.

"Don't worry about it kiddo." Kisame said with a sharp-toothed grin. "We don't mind."

Konan looked at me from the back seat. Pein now sat in the front with me. "Who was he?" She asked me.

I sighed. "He _was_ my boyfriend." I shook my head. "We broke up last year."

"What did you hit it and quit it?" Hidan asked with a mischievous grin.

I glanced in his direction in the mirror. "No, actually I dated him for two years."

"So why break it off, un?" Deidara questioned. He was sitting in the very back with Hidan, Sasori, and Kakuzu.

I frowned at that. "Well after he broke my jaw, I wasn't going to just sit there and take it." I sighed. "Though I might not look it, I'm actually a very nice and forgiving person. I forgave him a lot over the two years because I'm an idiot but I think his last punch knocked some sense into me."

"To be honest, you don't seem like the kind of girl that would condone that sort of behavior." Pein said dully from beside me.

I looked at him. "Well if I love someone, I'm willing to go through anything."

Hidan crossed his arms. "So if I hit you, would you forgive me?"

I laughed. "After I was through stabbing you a few times as compensation, yes I would forgive you."

"Did you stab that fucker?" Hidan wondered.

"He's not immortal." I informed him. "Though, Louis did break all but two of his ribs and snapped his arm for me. I have very violent friends." I was shocked by the truth of my own words. I did have very violent friends. The eight people sitting in the car with me were proof enough for that.

"That guy is nuts." Kakuzu pointed out.

I agreed. "Yeah, he is, but he's a sweetheart when he doesn't want to kill you." I smiled. "His favorite characters are you and Hidan because you're both crazy like he is."

"I'm not gay." Hidan clarified.

"I never said you were." I reminded him.

I drove the rest of the way home silently, listening to them bicker amongst themselves. Pein, sitting in the passenger seat beside me, was pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance as the more rowdy Akatsuki members acted like idiots. Konan and Itachi remained silent while Sasori and Kakuzu only added sarcastic comments when necessary.

Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame had started arguing about why they weren't cats anymore and the conversation eventually morphed into which one of them was going to get to sleep in my bed with me at night.

Itachi chuckled slightly at my disturbed look that had been dominating my expression since the strange turn in conversation. To be honest, I really didn't care which one slept where. Konan and Pein obviously got first dibs being the leaders, and I would make sure Itachi and Kisame were comfortable before moving on to the others. I played favorites.

I jumped slightly when the ringtone for my cell phone sounded throughout the car. I grabbed it to see who it was. I almost died when I saw it was Kathryn. I glared at the people in the back who were now silent in confusion. Thank god we were at a stoplight.

"Make a sound and I swear you will be missing something very precious as soon as you fall asleep." I turned my attention to Sasori. "I'll just set you on fire." They all nodded at my death glare and I opened my phone.

"Hello Kathryn." I said in a completely different tone. I heard Hidan mutter something about me being bipolar before he was elbowed in the gut by Deidara.

_"Hi Alice, what's up?"_ She asked.

"I'm on my way back from the mall." I mouthed thanks at Deidara who gave me a smirk in response. I winked at him in the rearview mirror which earned me snorts of laughter and many chuckles. Why, I'm not entirely sure.

_"Oh, did you get anything good?"_ She asked. I told her I did and she went on. _"So while we're up here, my mom wants to visit my uncle. So I won't get home until really late. I'll come over first thing in the morning okay?"_

I nodded. "That works just fine." I pulled into the parking lot that led to my condo. "Just call me before you come over."

_"I will. Are you okay, you sound strange?"_ She told me. Leave it to Kathryn to notice my voice changing even in the slightest.

"I'm just focusing on driving." I admitted. That was half of the problem. "I'll see you tomorrow okay? I've got to drag everything inside." We quickly said our goodbyes and made promises to see each other tomorrow as I pulled into my spot.

As soon as I put it in park, the ninja were already dispersing. They stood by the trunk, knowing that was my destination after I shut off the Hummer and locked the doors. I popped the trunk and loaded my arms with the bags.

When we got to the door after having Kisame shut the trunk I remembered I had locked the door and my key was in my pocket. I swore. "Okay, who wants to help me out here?"

They all looked at me so I went on. "My key to the house is in my back pocket. Someone other than Hidan please get it and unlock the door so we can go inside."

"Why fucking not me?" Hidan wondered.

I glanced at him. "Well, because you're a pervert." I sighed when no one moved. "Will someone grow a pair and get my key? I'm not going to hit you or anything, just get it."

Itachi stepped forward bravely and went behind me to retrieve the key. "Which pocket?" He asked. I told him it was my butt pocket and he quickly fished the key out. He looked at me for instructions on what to do next.

"It's the gold key. Use it to unlock the door." I said. "Thanks by the way. It seems you're the only one with balls out here." I saw him smirk when the others protested loudly. Needless to say the loudest protest was Hidan's.

Itachi skillfully unlocked the door and pushed it open wide enough for me to go in first with my burden. He followed in after me and the rest brought up the rear. Pein, the last one in, shut the door and locked it at my polite request.

I put the bags on the floor of the living room. "Zetsu, Tobi, come here please." I called through the house, curious as to where my kitties were. I was surprised my house was still in one piece. I mentally thanked Jashin for that.

Bella appeared on the couch, dozens, if not hundreds, of bags surrounding her. Zetsu emerged from the kitchen while Tobi skipped down the stairs. He tackle hugged me onto the couch. I had to smile at Tobi; I was so used to Brett that his behavior didn't annoy me in the slightest. I was a pro at dealing with people like him.

"Hi Tobi, were you a good boy while we were gone?" I asked, patting his head after returning the hug to him.

"Tobi is a good boy!" He chirped. He hopped off me and sat on the cushion beside me. "Tobi didn't break anything." I looked to Zetsu for a confirmation.

"He behaved. **You must have drugged him with that cat food. **Tobi is never that good." Zetsu told me. I just shrugged and dug around in the bags for their presents. I had gotten Tobi a large bag of candy and a bag off-brand pixie sticks.

"I just know how to handle him." I confessed. "Tobi is very much like Brett in personality and I trained him just fine." I looked to Tobi. "Now Tobi, you can have a little bit now as a reward and if you keep being a good boy, I'll give you more."

He bounced up and down in his spot eagerly. I grabbed a generous handful of candy out of the bag and some pixie sticks. I plopped them into his awaiting hands before allowing him to skip away from me happily with his treasure.

"I got you a friend, Zetsu." I told him. I carefully withdrew a cactus from a bag I had taken special care of and handed it to him. He thanked me, curious as to how I knew he liked cacti. I shrugged and told him it was just a lucky guess.

I paused, looking up at Zetsu as something tugged at my attention. I smirked. "I've always wanted to ask you something, Zetsu." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow with the rest of the Akatsuki, minus Tobi since he was inhaling sugar at the moment. I looked up and down the plant's person(s?) for a moment. "Are you black where it counts?" I raised my eyebrows suggestively, hoping he would pick up on what I was asking. The others obviously did because a chorus of laughter erupted from them.

Zetsu grinned after a moment of recovering from my question. "**If you want me to be**." His dark side said to me just as seductively. I laughed and accepted that.

"Okay, so I got you a bigger coat if you want it." I told him, still chortling. "Tobi, I got you clothes too." I grabbed a shirt I was particularly proud of from one of the bags. It was a black shirt that said "Bad Boy" on it in red letters. The eight members present when I bought it thought it was pretty amusing.

"Thank you Alice-chan!" Tobi called from the recliner in the corner. He was much too enthralled in his candy to care about clothing.

I shrugged that off and addressed Bella.

"What's in the bags?" I kinda regretted that question when she answered.

"156 bags of beef jerky, 87 bags of barbeque chips, 95 bottles of root beer, 35 bottles of sprite, 63 bottles of dr pepper, 3 two liter bottles of ginger ale, 65 kit kat bars, 16 bags of bubble gum, too many chocolate bars with almonds to count, 75 regular chocolate bars, 4 bags of skittles, 6 bags of jolly ranchers, 34 bags of DumDums (the suckers), 42 bags of cotton candy, 94 packs of juicy fruit gum, 7 bags of regular m&ms, 68 crunch bars, and 61 boxes of sugar cookie dough. Nobody is to touch my stocks, lest they lose a hand." She announced. I Blanched and wondered how she remained so thin.

"It's unknown to me. My body is like that even when I'm human." The area around her head swirled as her ears changed into cat ears and established themselves on the top of her head. I sneezed, but didn't question her for now.

I turned to the Akatsuki."Well, go at it." I gestured to the bags. "Get what's yours while I start dinner." I got off the couch, my spot instantly being occupied by Kakuzu, and went to the kitchen to begin working on my newest chore.

I had just begun preparing Kisame's shrimp when said shark walked in with Itachi. Itachi took a seat at the table while Kisame snuck up behind me, going for one of the shrimp.

I swatted his hand away. "Keep your hands off the crustacean until I give them to you." He pouted so I had to give him one. That wiped the pout away instantly and replaced it with a happy smile that I had to return. I cursed myself for growing a soft spot for Kisame.

Itachi smirked at me as Kisame sat at the table with him. "You're quite easily influenced." He told me with his sexy voice.

"I have a soft spot for blue things." I admitted, sticking my tongue out at the Uchiha, flashing my tongue piercing. Kisame chuckled. "He has the cuteness factor going for him too."

"I already like it here." Kisame announced to the kitchen. I patted his head good naturedly and opened the fridge to get some cabbage. I put it on a plate before giving it to Itachi.

"You're cute too." I said as I placed the plate before him. I winked at him and he smirked at me again. I returned to my cooking, making a various assortments of different, easy to eat food. I had to make sure it wasn't too complex for them and I didn't want it to be messy enough to allow a big mess if they decided to be slobs.

Kisame left when Kakuzu called for him to come back to the living room about fifteen minutes later, leaving me alone with Itachi. He engaged me in conversation while he watched me work and it flowed with surprising ease.

To be quite honest, Itachi and I had a lot in common. We both were genuinely nice people but we both put up a tough façade because of our surrounds and past. My love of the Uchiha grew with everything thing I learned about him that Naruto wiki couldn't teach me.

I eventually found myself sitting beside him, talking at the dinner table, waiting for some ramen noodles to finish cooking when the alarm on the microwave sounded. I jumped up and began setting the table after finishing up.

"Oi! You murderers, get in here." I announced. I heard some shouts of joy from Hidan, Tobi, and Deidara who were the first ones in. Kakuzu and Kisame came in after them with Zetsu while Pein and Konan followed them in seconds later. Sasori came in last, lacking the need to eat. He just leaned against the doorframe and watched me finish setting the table. Bella grabbed some ramen and went into the living room.

"Okay, there are a lot of different foods here. Eat whatever you like." I instructed. "Do not make a mess of my kitchen or Sasori gets to do whatever he wants to you."

"You're so nice." Sasori told me as I finished addressing the eaters. I smiled at him as I snuck over to Tobi and whispered in his ear.

"If you want to keep your face hidden from the others, you're more than welcome to eat somewhere else." I whispered so no one but him could hear me. I saw Madara's Sharingan flash at me from beneath the mask but he nodded like the good boy he pretended to be and skipped out of the room with his food. I sighed and Itachi gave me a raised eyebrow, knowing what was up.

"What do you guys want to drink?" I asked, going to the glass cabinet. I took down nine glasses and set them in a line on the counter.

"What do you have?" Konan asked. I went to the fridge and look around.

"We have juice, pop, fruit punch, lemonade, and water. The juices include orange juice, apple juice, and grape juice. The pops include Coke, Pepsi, and Mountain Dew." I explained. I was pretty sure they only knew what a few of those were. "I'll let you try them first if you want."

"I'll take anything." Hidan said. "Just grab whatever." Kakuzu voiced the same opinion. Kisame said he wanted Mountain Dew while Deidara said he wanted fruit punch. Konan and Pein asked for lemonade and Itachi wanted apple juice. Zetsu said he wanted orange juice. I just assumed Bella would be drinking some from her 'stock', as she called it.

I poured their drinks, giving Hidan and Kakuzu Coke since they were indecisive and distributed them to their new owners. Gladly no one disliked their chosen beverage. Hidan even demanded that I refill his glass at least six times before he finished eating.

I got Tobi some apple juice and took it out to him since he was eating in the living room. I announced where I was going to Sasori a little louder than necessary to make sure Tobi knew I was coming so he could hide his face.

Bella was sitting on the floor in a corner, quietly eating her ramen. Tobi was staring in my direction when I came into the living room with his mask very much on. "I brought you some apple juice Tobi." I told him as I set the glass on the table. "If you don't want that, there's a bunch of other drinks in there you can have."

"Thank you." Madara said in his non-Tobi voice. I could tell he wanted to know how much I knew about him. I just shook my head before putting some napkins down on the table beside him just in case. I was assuming Bella already knew and was ignoring him.

I smiled at him. "Don't worry _Tobi_; your secret is safe with me." I beamed at him once more before returning to the kitchen. Sasori looked over his shoulder as I returned.

"Aren't you going to eat, kid?" Sasori asked me. I stopped beside him to chat.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not hungry. I take it you're not eating either, Mr. Puppet?"

He raised his eyebrows. "You're right. But you haven't eaten since this morning."

"I don't eat very often. I'm usually never hungry." I admitted.

"When is your strange friend coming over?" Sasori questioned.

"She said she was coming over tomorrow morning because she's visiting family right now." I explained. "Why, miss her?"

"The brat does." Sasori corrected me, jerking his head at his blond partner. "He talks about her to anyone who will listen. He was kind of sad when she left."

"That's very sweet of him." I said with a smile. Kathryn would be pleased to hear this when she was in the loop. Deidara is her favorite character, followed by Sasori and Itachi. "He was always her favorite; followed by you and Itachi."

"I see." Sasori commented. "I thought she seemed kind of dense…"

I laughed. "She's actually really smart. She just lacks common sense and she enjoys acting dingy. She's probably smarter than me in some cases when it comes to academics. I just happen to have wit and sarcasm."

"Something I appreciate." Sasori complimented. "I now have someone intelligent to talk to that actually talks." He smirked at me when I giggled. "Itachi and Leader-sama don't talk very much." He continued.

"That's why I'm here Danna." I told him with a wink.

"Oi! Alice, what's this?" Hidan asked. Apparently he had run out of Coke and went to get himself some when I wasn't to be found. While he was searching for a refill, he had discovered some of Louis's alcohol that I was sure not to mention we had.

"It's poison." I told him quickly. "Louis keeps it around just in case someone breaks in." He raised his eyebrow at me but quickly put it away. I sighed with relief.

"What was it really?" Sasori asked me in an undertone, noticing my behavior.

I glanced at him. "Alcohol." He nodded in understanding and fell silent as everyone soon finished eating.

"Just leave your plates and stuff on the table; I'll clean everything up in a minute." I told them. "You guys can go relax. Just don't go outside or break anything." I watched them all get up and depart from the kitchen. Bella appeared with her empty bowl, putting it in the sink before disappearing into thin air.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey everyone, Sorry I have not posted in a while. There was a _HUGE _storm yesterday. A tornado came through about a mile from here last night and the power went off today at exactly 1:30 am and we were in a closet for an hour. Today we drove around and looked at where the tornado went through. Two houses had collapsed roofs and most others had missing roof tiles. There were also too many trees across the roads to count. Giant trees were uprooted and it is storming again. I hope that there are no more tornadoes!


End file.
